This is my first official “normal” blog I guess you could say. I have never actually done a blog in the traditional sense, talking about daily life and I am both excited and nervous at the same time as many people have always read my content for the information aspect and there is always that little bit of self doubt that comes from not knowing if people truly do want to know about your thoughts or life. A word of caution – I am a writer and when I begin to write about something I am passionate about, I can write a lot so get comfortable, I have no idea where this blog will end 🙂 All photos in this blog are my own that I share with you to help inspire and rouse your own soul.
This is going to be a little insight into the past week and show you the simple things that I have been enjoying – the very things that I had been neglecting in my life. The spiritual path can often be riddled with a need to do more, learn more, be better, grow deeper into your spirituality and yet it is this very aspect that can pull you further away from finding your peace and authenticity and this is the self discovery that I have made over these past few months while going through my own transitions.
In my last blog I mentioned that I will be sharing more of my world to inspire others and to show the other aspects of myself and that begins today. This week has been a strong focus on getting back into my garden. Gardening has been a part of my life since I was a child. I have always loved to be outside wondering the land looking for faerie doors and interacting with the wildlife. I have always planted things in every place I lived, leaving behind a piece of myself in the earth each time I moved on. I liked to feel like an earth goddess spreading joy and love via plants!
I am someone who loves a mixture of edible, medicinal and fragrant gardens that have a wild and untamed aspect to them and this is what I have achieved within my own. We began our life in this home in September 2014 and when we purchased this home the garden was non existent – a weedy long tangle of grass in winter and a dry dust bowl in the summer – the only living things were the large gumtree in the back corner that i affectionately call grandmother gumtree, a couple of native bottle brush plants along the other back fence and a random bush that the dog eventually killed when he was a puppy.
Over the years it has been trial and error, blood sweat and tears and I know have the vision of the wild, secret garden that I always wanted. It is still and ever evolving landscape especially with having chickens like mine who eat and destroy everything! At last count we had topped over 40 fruit trees, not including the grape vines or passionfruit. The garden has an abundance of wildlife and is its own ecosystem now.
This past year I had neglected the garden a bit, only doing the necessary things to maintain it and a half ditched attempt at growing vegetables, my focus had been on other things like spiritual pursuits and trying to work through my own emotional changes and feelings – I blame my Saturn Return for this lol. I had made the decision when the first round of covid-19 hit in March that I needed to spend more time in my garden, though during that time with 3 months of not working my “day job” I ended up launching my online business Awaken Spirit which took a lot of time and energy as this too went through many trials and errors as I found my footing.
With my focus solely on my tarot readings, astrology, study of different topics to help with spiritual life coaching, other aspects of myself were again pushed to the side. I spent one entire week re-writing my first manuscript after I had received feedback from a publisher and then my writing was put on the back burner once that was complete, I had planted out a couple of winter garden beds in the veggie patch that ended up becoming healthy but neglected and my entire world revolved around tarot readings, more tarot readings, content creation for my newly launched youTube channel and you guessed it more tarot readings!
Now don’t get me wrong I love doing readings but I started to realise that neglecting the other aspects of myself was beginning to eat away at my very soul and leaving me feeling empty so I tried to just add them into my ever growing schedule – by now I was back at work so my time was limited but I felt schedules, to do lists and time management would be the key to success like every other entrepreneur out there, but what I was forgetting was the parts of myself that need to be free to create and simply be. I started to crave freedom more and more, unsure of what that freedom even meant other than wanting to work for myself within my own business full time and this meant I just had to work harder and harder, push more and more and this of course burnt me out even more, exasperating the issues.
I am sharing this because I want to show the insight that just because we pursue a spiritual path, does not mean that we cannot fall into the same kind of traps that you do in the “mundane” or as many in our community would say, the “3D” world. This is not a dark night of the soul or part of the awakening process, no. This comes after and is something far less intense and yet even deeper and more powerful. In many ways it is a kind of rebirth of the self, a time when we truly begin to find our truth, our authenticity and reclaim who we are at the core. It is when we heal the wounds that are self inflicted and deep into our ancestral roots, it is when we discover those lost soul fragments of ourselves that have been lost over life times and even voluntarily sacrificed for things we believed were more valuable. It is the time we forge our own path and decide to step into our true identity with a sense of self compassion. I am going to coin this time the “Reclaiming”, I have no idea if this is a term in existence but that is what I see it as.
For those who understand the astrological aspects of our life this can be seen as the first Saturn return that occurs for people sometime between 26 – 32 depending on your personal birth chart and perhaps one day I will do an entire blog explaining this time. It is now, in the depths of myself and in my own cocoon that I finally decided that to truly embrace my spirituality I must first embrace all the aspects of myself.
This past week has been chaotic to say the least. Here in South Australia we went into an extreme lockdown due to a covid outbreak that commenced on the day of my 30th birthday, this lockdown was meant to last 6 days but was called off early after more information came to light. In Australia we are very lucky that we are relatively covid free compared to the rest of the world and out health authorities do a great job of getting on top of any outbreaks that may occur, especially here in South Australia.
So during this time with having my birthday to myself as my husband was an essential worker so I truly did have the day to myself, I allowed myself to simply be for the first time in a long time. There was guilt in the beginning of course but that faded as I embraced the things I love – creating. I spent the day in my garden, meditating and doing yoga, working with the cards for myself only, baking, taking photos and thinking of aspects within my story and what I want to write. I will share the vlog I created for those who are interested in following along.
This was the first time I felt truly at peace within my own mind. It felt right. Complete. It is this simplicity that my soul craves and the tranquility of being alone but not lonely. That is the hardest things we can learn – the art of being solitary and it is within these moments that I truly feel my most spiritual. I love that in this modern age I can connect with people all over the world and share the things that bring me joy, while still maintaining that solitary aspect that my soul so greatly desires.
Humans are social creatures society tells us, we need connection and interaction and while this is true to some degree, we often forget that no matter what we are interconnected to the entire world around us and being alone does not mean we must be lonely, especially within society today. We can maintain connection with likeminded people while still discovering ourselves and for those who are not quite introverts or extroverts but something a little in between, I want to say this – I see you, I feel you and I understand you. It is ok to be alone, it is ok not to want the things society tells us we should want and it is ok to dream. Dreams are the longings and desires of our soul and if we stamp out the dreams, we are in fact fragmenting our soul by choice so, today if there is anything you take from reading this glimpse into my world, begin to reclaim those dreams and find your own rhythm in this world because that is the life you are meant to live.
Thank you to those who decided to read to the very end.